I’ve heard it countless times:
“But they love you.”
Usually said right after something painful has been shared.
Something deeply hurtful.
Sometimes even abusive.
And every time I hear that sentence, something inside me tightens.
Because here’s the truth:
love doesn’t erase hurt.
Love doesn’t give someone a free pass to hurt you.
It doesn’t excuse manipulation, control, cruel words, broken promises, or repeated neglect.
When people say, “but they love you,” it often feels like they’re really saying,
“Your pain isn’t valid because they say they care.”
And that’s exhausting.
Because it ignores the reality that love and harm can exist in the same space.
And that the presence of love doesn’t cancel out the damage that comes with it.
Sometimes we have to separate the idea of love from the actions of the person claiming it.
And that’s hard.
It’s painful.
It can feel wrong to even question someone who says they care.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
You don’t have to accept harm because someone claims to love you.
You don’t have to justify your boundaries.
You don’t have to minimize your experience to make others comfortable.
Because love isn’t a shield for abuse…
Many Blessings, Grace. Xx
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